So I've been reading about why I can't have an orgasm with my partner even though I usually can on my own and this is the most relatable thing I could find in an online article:
Quote:
f you come to any kind of sex — alone or with someone else — full
of anxiety or frustration, or if you’re fixated on sex as a product,
not a process, you’re both unlikely to reach orgasm AND unlikely to
enjoy yourself very much. One thing we know is a huge barrier to orgasm
for many people who are otherwise doing everything right is getting
their head stuck in a place during sex where all they are thinking
about is how to get to orgasm, if they’ll get to orgasm, how may times
they have not reached orgasm, how their partner will feel if they don’t
reach orgasm, and where the heck is that bloody freaking orgasm for the love of… ARRRRRGH!
You can perhaps see how that kind of thinking, that kind of feeling,
hardly creates an environment for pleasure. It’s totally unpleasant and
completely crazymaking. I think we can all agree that it is in no way a
sexy feeling.
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(from
Get Real! Why Can't I Orgasm?)
So, if that's the issue, how in the world do I fix it? Even if I try to just enjoy sex for what it is and be perfectly fine with NOT having an orgasm that time (because it's just never going to happen apparently), my partner is always asking me if I'm about to orgasm…because it's not like I haven't told him several times THAT I WILL TELL HIM AND HE WILL KNOW WITHOUT AN EFFING SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHEN I ORGASM OR AM ABOUT TO.
This wouldn't even matter if it weren't causing me significant distress and causing me to want to punch people after very little provocation. That and it's starting to cause resentment and it would be a huge shame to destroy an otherwise good/healthy relationship over one thing that should be fixable, but since it's a girl's problem, no one really cares about it and there's almost no answers anywhere. Especially since I'm not inorgasmic, which is what 99.99% of the articles are about…I CAN have an orgasm. I have spent a lot of my life masturbating…IT DOESN'T HELP. I know what works for me, I've communicated that, and he's done it…IT DOESN'T HELP.
It also doesn't help that he has a huge issue with premature ejaculation (basically intercourse lasting 30 seconds is met with "Wow, you lasted really long that time!"). I mean, I can be patient with that and help him with that if I didn't have my own impossible issues. What did I do to be hit with all these issues at once?! I mean, if sex actually worked, this relationship would be as close to perfect as is possible. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! And how do I fix it?
P.S. No, I'm not going to break up with him over this. The relationship is worth being sexually unsatisfied. Besides, I'd have the same problem with whoever I'm with anyway, but at least he treats me with love and respect unlike the vast majority of men!