I think your intelligence sometimes works against your best interest - in other words, your being so cerebral about things stops you from being experiential (and hedonistic, too). I do not know if you do therapy; if you do, I would absolutely NOT do CBT if I were you, but instead do art therapy or creative expression therapy or sandbox or psychodrama or basically anything that does not involve so much verbal thinking and talking, but instead bypasses the cerebral part and connects to your psyche, feelings, sensations, etc. I have not done process painting yet, but based on what I have read in announcements, it would be perfect for you. Process=as opposed to result-oriented, so you are not judged based on the final picture, nor do you strive to draw or paint towards a particular goal in your mind, but just go with the flow and see what emerges. No skills necessary. the good ole psychodynamic therapy, especially in a group setting, would be good for you as well. Right now your intelligence and verbal aptitude seems to be your own enemy of sorts, as if you had built a tall dark fortress around your own head and cannot see the light of day from within it...