that is the sickness

loop thinking getting worst and worst each time around until so bad something snaps and u go manic

first off stuff in the past is just that stuff in the past ...........the only thing u can take from it is the lesson and try never to repeat it again ..........as u are human this will happen still but u are trying sooner or later u get hang of it

as for your past to rest i know of only one thing that does that ..............contact each person and talk to them explain say u are sorry and ask for forgiveness (those that died figure the 10 secs after death they got really smart and everything was known and forgiven ) ......why do u think the AA and NA have this as a step

only other thing got is this ..........u are who u are somethings can be changed somethings can not but until u try u will never know .............look up zen thinking to help break a loop the ?s they ask the loops on that will be calming what designed to do