That's too bad that you're going through this worrying about the past. You didn't mention the word guilt, but that's what it sounds like what you're going through and I relate 100%. I spend most of my free-time either feeling guilty over my past or doing things I'll regret when I wake up in the morning.

Another post mentioned that they felt like they had no soul. You do have a caring soul, even if you're only concerned about your own well-being and you're feeling guilty about things you have done to yourself and your mind. I just think in my mind, ok, stop. It's never too late to start over with a clean slate and the longer you go without doing anything to regret, the better you will feel.

I know you can let go of these memories and find some peace.