A lot of time, the BP illness itself will create many feelings or self doubt within someone. I deal with them daily myself. A lot of times, whether we want to believe it or not, the disease drives people to do some pretty outrageous things. But in the end a lot of it can be track down to the illness itself. I've been through a lot in my life, a lot of it through fault of my own, and I know a lot of things I have done and said aren't fully me. Even if its not bipolar causing your actions, I can still guarantee it is not because you are an awful person.