If not therapy at this stage....Then endeavour to try to get someone to advocate for you. There should be agencies near you that could help you at least change your living situation. The first step is to find a safe place where you have space and time to come to terms with your unhealthy family dynamic. The welfare system is there to help those living in circumstances such as yours, and you are more than entitled to lean on them for a while.....you need to leave. I understand that your mother is your mother, but your relationship with her is very destructive to your self esteem at the moment. Get yourself safe....then maybe you can re connect with her down the track when you are stronger and living independently.

Take care and be kind to yourself fanora hunsford. Q.L