I'm honestly less upset by the cleaning thing than I am by the knitting dig. It feels like she has no respect for me as a person--like I don't count because I don't have a real job like her. I already struggle with feeling like I don't deserve to survive because of my disability, and she's really pushing those buttons, intentionally or not.

I mean, it's messing me up so badly that I've been feeling suicidal all day. If no one thinks I'm worth anything, why shouldn't I just get rid of myself? I'm nothing but a worthless burden on society.

But I can't deal with conflict, so I wouldn't be able to say anything to her about any of this. Literally, conflict makes me shut down so I can't even talk, and it generally results in self-harm. So I cleaned the whole effing kitchen and living room, despite being too sick for my body to really handle that, and she didn't even bother with saying thank you.

I feel like I'm not even a person.