I was where you are now, 3 weeks ago. I felt desperation, and that I was a failure at everything I had attempted. I had to remind myself that it was a permanent solution to temporary problems.

I'm still not feeling all better, but at least I can see light.

Also, I don't know how current your med list in your profile here, but Ativan at 2mg gave me suicidal idealations. My pdoc took me off that and put me on something else.

Hang in there!