I am not sure how long'ts been since I have posted in here. Today, My boyfriend and I had sex as it's been almost a year since we've done it. I am still having a problem with painful sex! I started for two days doing a vaginal massage using essential oils from a book I got at the bookstore and it's been amazing!

I spoke to a gyno about this in 06, I ended up having a yeast infection which got treated but did absolutely nothing with the painful sex. I was told I have vaginimus, the psychological effects came from high school when older guys (college aged and guys in their mid to late 20s) were really mean to me in the bedroom always gotta ram their dicks in me and thrusting too damn hard not caring if it hurt me. Yea, there was a lot of name calling. Anyway, I have been trying to work on my painful sex on my own and was able to finallly finger myself recently. My bf fingered me today it felt great then he twisted his finger around and felt a lil pain, my legs closed on his arms. The reason for doing that is because my legs are contracting to the feeling of pain down there and when i spread them while he was fingering me; I felt pain. I was very calm today yet it still hurt as my vaginal hole still won't expand. When I lost my virginity at 15 turning 16 long ago (I am 28), it was painful but also felt great as my vagina did expand. BF knows about my problem and gets frustrated when he can't enter me because of this pain problem and being too wet - no matter how many different positions we try just so his **** can stay hard and inside me the entire time.

I felt bad today because I feel the sex wasn't great. I feel jealous that other women who have great sex can do it just fine whenever. I am an adult and I can't even tell if his **** is in me or not which is sad. Before meeting him, I was doing a lot of foreplay and wouldn't have sex. My sex drive has increased drastically and I want it more now than ever before. I am so tired of living in pain and want a good **** or make love! I am not gonna be those negative, asexual (sorry that's how I feel) people who feel that they don't need sex and I should just enjoy life without sex. I can enjoy life, again, I want to be ****ed too!

I was told to see a sex therapist, that cost money and that's money I don't have! I wanted to call planned parenthood see if they take state insurance and if it will cover it - my name is not moneybags! I don't get enough to even g to doctor appts! Why do I have to keep suffering and I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to lose my bf to some other woman who can do it better. My vagina is very sensitive he was able to finger me to his 2nd knuckle which never happened before. Also, I have seen enough therapist as I am really tired of them and had therapy recently (finished early feb this year for abuse issues) I was not happy at all with how that woman conducted her own therapy sessions.

I don't know just venting. I am into holistic treatment, again, cost too much money for me. I have been reading online what I can do that can help me save a lot of money if I can do it on my own, but I do feel like I can't seem to do it on my own. Any suggestions?