Quote:
Originally Posted by zinco14532323
When I started working on these issues in Alanon I found out I had much more surpressed anger at my mother than I did at my alcoholic father. I was shocked at that. All the focus had always been on my father.
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This is where I'm at now. My mother has many more issues than just an alcoholic husband so it would have happened anyway but I have spent so long focusing on how my father treated me (as the more obvious abuser) that I didn't realize the damage my mother was doing.
I have been playing mother to my own mother most of my life. To the point where I have spent some of the most traumatic instances of my life comforting her.
Sometimes I think she genuinely doesn't understand we are two separate people.
Most of the fights between my father and I started because I was protecting her. Realizing now that she deliberately provokes my anger I can't help but wonder how many times did she deliberately provoke him and leave me to deal with the consequences?
Worst part is, I can't leave. Last time she was left on her did not end well. Better to be smothered than to feel guilty about letting my mother end up on the streets.