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Old Oct 22, 2014, 04:40 AM
Anonymous100154
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zinco14532323 View Post
When I started working on these issues in Alanon I found out I had much more surpressed anger at my mother than I did at my alcoholic father. I was shocked at that. All the focus had always been on my father.
This is where I'm at now. My mother has many more issues than just an alcoholic husband so it would have happened anyway but I have spent so long focusing on how my father treated me (as the more obvious abuser) that I didn't realize the damage my mother was doing.

I have been playing mother to my own mother most of my life. To the point where I have spent some of the most traumatic instances of my life comforting her.

Sometimes I think she genuinely doesn't understand we are two separate people.

Most of the fights between my father and I started because I was protecting her. Realizing now that she deliberately provokes my anger I can't help but wonder how many times did she deliberately provoke him and leave me to deal with the consequences?

Worst part is, I can't leave. Last time she was left on her did not end well. Better to be smothered than to feel guilty about letting my mother end up on the streets.