I need help and advice... No one day goes without me waking up crying and talking in my mind to him, my ex-... Next November is the final hearing in the divorce proceedings and I don't think the judge is sympathetic to my case. Her last rulings didn't take into account that I was already in debt (paying rent, utilities, moving costs...). I was expecting that whatever increase in the amount of money she was going to order my husband to pay was going to be retroactive, meaning at least going two months back to cover my July and August personal expenses (I moved out of the house in July and the hearing was taking place in mid August), but no, she ruled that the increase was valid beginning September... So my ex went to give me in temporary support $500 to $1500. I'm trying to make my case around the issues that he lied about his personal properties and his income, he presented a disproportionate list of personal expenses after separation, so much so that his expenses almost surpass our combined expenses pre-separation! Moreover, he insists that I can go to work without taking into account that my experience is minimal (I worked only five years as a part time and he is the department chair where I worked; my working there was for me part of the relationship: I supported him in every way possible, I did things beyond my comfort zone for him, I replaced him in his classes when he wasn't available because of his post demands...) He earned ten times as much and now, here I am... living in a rental unit, in a mostly run down part of the city (the cheapest rent I could afford back in July), without health insurance, counting my money everyday, having the two family pets with me... How is it possible to move from being in a couple with an income already in the six figures to being everyday anxious about costs and expenses??? I cannot understand how the Judge is not having into account our disparate situations: he has personal property here and abroad (this last one generates income that we used to pay for costs associated with going to visit our families back there), a very good job, his social and professional standings intact... while I was forced to leave the house when it sold, have very poor job opportunities (very little experience, no academic skills because he took care of everything, the market is very tight), with a disability that affects my social and professional inclusion (before the separation, my disability almost didn't count because my the husband helped me in every way possible...). What can I do? I'm pretty sure that the judge isn't going to order a substantial increase in alimony leaving me with an alimony equivalent to the income that graduate students receive... I don't understand how is it possible that I'm asking for an alimony that is around 1/4 of his income and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get it. This is driving my anxiety through the roof, I cannot sleep, I spend hours at home without going anywhere in order of not spending in gas... Moreover, I need therapy right away; I cannot move on, I;m always thinking how is it possible to be in this situation when I was so much supportive, always doing things for him that I was sure were of his liking, always expecting him to be back at a home well taken care of... I loved him so much, I cannot believe it's possible to stop loving someone the way he changed in less than an year... Since ''hindsight is 20/20'', I realize now that some of his behavior was driven by his ''deep issues'' that he NEVER told me about! I don't know what to do... One of the most persistent images that comes back to me time and again is of me in a wheelchair and him letting me go in an abyss, or of me wanting to hang myself in order to stop the pain. When is the pain going to disappear??? I try to do things for me like going out for a walk... but I'm pretty sure that some people already identify me as ''the woman that goes by crying''. I cry everyday... The pain of being alone and the feeling of being thrown out, of having lost my love, my family, my accomplishments after so many years of work and sacrifices... this pain is endless. Please, if anyone reading this post have an idea, an advice, whatever that can be useful, I'll be grateful...