I didn't choose to get cancer, or to have debilitating effects from the surgery for nearly a year.

I didn't choose to have my husband die of cancer when we were in our late 40's and had a 13 year old.

I didn't choose to have some of his family scapegoat me after his death.

What I did choose, and continue to choose every day, are to live my life in ways that nourish my self and my dreams. To parent my child consciously and supportively. To leave behind people who are not nurturing or are a negative presence in my life. To tell the truth about who I am and what I want.

And when I'm doing these things, I feel happiness. I don't think that happiness is an end state, but a collection of feelings that arise when I pay attention and make choices that facilitate my goals. I can't choose happiness because it is not mine to have or not, but it is mine to experience in the moment. What anyone else does or whatever bad things might happen do not take away my happiness, either.