Sorry for you feeling this way. You're certainly not alone. Medications saved my life at age 60+. My wild and crazy highs caused me to spend too much money. Maybe you could talk to others more knowledgeable concerning you're personal issues. I now have a way of keeping to myself. I keep, now, my mental illness hush hush. So called "normal" people, for the most part, just do not fully understand in my opinion. I can't blame them. After all, it wasn't until I was diagnosed until I even began to understand. I never knew why, earlier times, why I thought the way I was, talking too fast, and all the other things that can come with BP and what ever else related to mental illness.