I was just diagnosed BP I in January of this year. I've had a lifetime of mental health issues, mainly depression and mood disorder type diagnosis. But until I got this BP diagnosis, I was never medicated like I have been and am now.

I feel like I am getting worse. But I wonder...How much of my worsening problem is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Am I getting worse because they said I am worse?

I used to be a pretty ok person. Sure, I had my mood swings, but they were mood swings. Now I am a zombified wreck. I'm suicidal. I'm hearing music that isn't there. My hair is falling out.

Part of me just wants to deny this diagnosis, walk away from it and these medications, and go back and find the real me. I must be in here somewhere.

Thanks for listening to my rant.