Hi Guys

I've been fighting severe depression for about 8 years now with varying levels of success. Through several toxic relationships. All the while I was holding down decent paying jobs in my career industry, since graduating high school and undertaking tertiary education (I feel I have done well combating this monster and all the while being able to convince the outside world that nothing is wrong).

About twelve months ago I met and fell in love with a beautiful woman who was intelligent, funny and caring, however she is also chronically ill and will be for the rest of her life, this does not bother me as I find I naturally want to and am able to be supportive of her struggle through the pain, all the while encouraging artistic and creative spontaneity (something none of her previous partners did).

Our relationship was going excellently, we loved each other and made all of our friends sick with how cute we were, we got engaged to be married after six months of courting and everything was going well.

Until we had to move house under stressful circumstances and I started having breakdowns every single day (before it was one big one roughly every six months), I managed to scrape enough money and people together to form a functioning household in a new rental place. And was able to seek chemical and psychiatric help through an arduous process where I was bounced from clinic to clinic because I have a fulltime job (in my country it is assumed you don’t need help if you can keep a hold of a fulltime job, and most of the help is setup for those already receiving welfare).

At this stage I am on generic Lexapro and apart from some physical side effects (constant nausea, brain zaps, tiredness during the day and retarded ejaculation. [T.M.I? Mods please advise if necessary]) I have found that it has dispelled the constant sadness and feeling of having a weight in my core that plagued me every second of every day, it has stopped the breakdowns in their tracks, and I feel clearer and more in charge of my life than ever.

The only problem is my fiancé, this medication has helped me see through the abuse I constantly put up with, for example being screamed at and harassed over private message when I post anything on social networks, being constantly guilt tripped if I accidentally slip up and say something that is “wrong” (which is hard when your memory acts like a sieve and hers like a net), the emotional blackmail she put’s over me when I’m finally at home from work of an evening, this would all be easy to escape if she didn’t think I was the most amazing person in the world.

I have fallen out of love with this person and I don’t know how to escape from her without destroying this nice person she has built up in her mind of me, or causing either of us to spiral into a suicidal depressive state.
Please help me.