I've never done exactly that, but I've done things I later recognized were wrong and felt horrible about. But luckily the intensity of my guilt and remorse has tended to fade with the years, or maybe I just do fewer things that I'm ashamed of. In any case, forgive yourself! If you'd had a sense that it was wrong at the time, you wouldn't have done it. So everyone lives and learns. Give yourself some peace. It isn't by far the worst thing anyone has ever done, and it isn't that bad. It was wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, it isn't anything to torture yourself about. Be in peace about it, really.