I'm reluctant to say that either one of you was a problem, but I think her attitude and her behaviour were definitely problematic in their own right. She made the choice not to conform more closely to your needs, and while she presumably had her reasons for that choice, it doesn't mean that it was the right choice.

I don't know if transference can always be resolved, but I see your point. And you make a good point here: Madame T attempted to be a blank slate, and by doing that she became a participant! And perhaps it would have been easier for you if you had felt that her adversativity (or what you experienced as being adversarial) had come from a genuine place rather than her trained T response. Perhaps. Or perhaps I'm barking up the wrong end of the stick and grabbing the wrong tree...