i just don tknow if the meds are making it better or worse. or maybe now im just aware of it all. before 2yrs ago i was oblivious to everything.8 yrs ago even more so and i was extremely reckless did whatever i wanted whenever i wanted with thoughts of guilt or the future. if i wanted to smoke i did, drink grabbed a bottle, do a line or 2 ok.

i thought about nothing that really mattered and just lived in the moment. yeah a lot of bad things happened and i drank away all the bad til it didnt matter anymore. it took me losing everything and everyone to clean up. the sad part is the smoking was the only thing i have found that truly calms me.and that is not an option anymore. the last time i did i lost myself and it was hard coming back from that, so no more.