Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
So I've been reading about why I can't have an orgasm with my partner even though I usually can on my own and this is the most relatable thing I could find in an online article:
(from Get Real! Why Can't I Orgasm?)
So, if that's the issue, how in the world do I fix it? |
With a whole lot of patience & time, on your part and his.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
I'm trying to relax…I just need to tell him to stop asking all the time if I'm about to orgasm.
|
Yes. He needs to know that you feel pressured when he asks, and this makes it more difficult for you.
Quote:
|
I just need to know that it's possible for me to even have an orgasm, then I could relax and not worry about it. But as of now, it may never happen for all I know…all the reading I've done on it, I've never heard of anyone who's overcome my particular problem.
|
As I wrote in your previous thread, I have personally overcome this problem. I was able to have an orgasm on my own, but not with a partner. Now, I can have one with my partner. And so have a lot of other women. Trust me.
Quote:
|
I just feel an immense pressure over it…I feel really guilty about not being able to get off even though he's expending a lot of effort. I'm by far the most "difficult" person he's ever been with.
|
I assume he's also a 20-something? Honestly, he sounds kind of sexually naive to me. I find it hard to believe that every single one of his lovers was able to have an easy (or even easier) orgasm. Enormous numbers of women fake orgasms. I mean, ENORMOUS numbers. I find it more likely that this was the case with at least some of his previous lovers. Or maybe he's working with a very small sample size. Also, he sounds like a nice guy, but I think it's uncool that he has told you this. I find that to be shaming and pressuring, even if he doesn't mean it to be. That could just be me. But as a hetero female, I'd never tell a lover "wow, all of my other lovers have lasted way longer than you." Just nope.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
We haven't tried toys, but we've discussed it. He isn't insulted or anything. I guess the reason I haven't pushed harder for it was that I was hoping something else would work first, but that appears to not be the case.
|
Whatever works, works. A vibrator is basically what solved my problem. And the MIND-BLOWING orgasms I have with toys have convinced me that for me personally, resisting them is just silly.
Overall, in your posts, I hear a lot of guilt and negative thinking. I hope that you can tune out that inner narrative and just keep going with the attitude that eventually, it will happen. Those negative inner voices won't help you get there. I know how hard it is to get past those feelings & thoughts, though.