As someone who has been to about 10 different pdocs and tried about 50 different med combinations over the past 25 years, I feel your pain, I really do. I got so sick of it about 5 years ago (I was on Lithium, Depakote and Klonopin) that I feel like you... I felt like the meds weren't working and they were poisoning me. I was sick of the blood work, sick of begging for help only to be told to hang in there. Ugh.

So, I went off all my meds and now that I look back I got manic. The first month was great, euphoric, free from "the man" (i.e. doctors) and free from the poison (meds). Then I started getting paranoid, then I started feeling guilty over the crazy **** I was doing since I was manic, then I started worrying like crazy until finally I called the hospital and they got me in that night.

Well, what a twist of fate. Since my pdoc (a quack, I believe) was on vacation, I got this wonderful clinical nurse specialist (practitioner). She listened to me, I told her everything, and she asked the magic question, "Do you want to just start over?" I said yes and I've been getting better ever since. We tried all new meds and had to do some adjusting until a lightbulb went off and now I feel better than ever.

Life is still a nightmare for me, on or off the meds, and the meds won't cure me. They just help smooth things out and let me think more rationally about the nightmarish things that happen around me. I'll always be too sensitive to the world and I'll always be affected.