It's not meeting like minded masochists is the issue, but I'm finally awaiting my appointment in an hour at the office for my therapist. It's not healthy masochism, it's not limited to sex, but every day life and sex is included when I have it with another person, but it's all the time. All for physical sexual tension to be relieved, or for pleasure mentally too. I do it to feel better, it's masochistic, because of the sexual emphasis and use of sex what most people who have masochistic sexual relationships do consensually for fun, but I don't do it for fun. Just to get me by like a high, it's more self harm and self defeating nature emotionally is the high I need..
My sexual fantasies work with and around it despite the trauma and intense pain it can bring. It feels good, just like how I was raped.

I just want to be more sexually free and find better ways or talk to someone specific to help me with my sexual issues with self harm. I don't cut or burn just punch myself, slap myself a lot all over till I'm black and blue with bruises where I feel ok with. I have imaginations of people who don't exist doing this to me I'd like to think do this to me or people who I had crushes on or people that liked me to harm me. Many times I have fantasies of my exes, current gfs, and friends to have sex, hurt me by severely beating me, have a guy over to punch me, cheat on me in front of me and shoot me stab me or kill me.

It's unhealthy, because I like to hurt myself and tell myself how worthless I am for the high with sex. It's masochism, but a more dangerous extreme version. There are lots of people who are masochist a little or sadist vary in degrees of intensity. I'm at the more intense spectrum.