Hi ShantheArtist, I'm really sorry your mom couldn't be there for you when you needed her.
I would have hoped she could have seen right past the fact that you didn't take what she'd suggested, because when you're suffering that much the rest is pretty insignificant in my eyes.
Really hoping you're feeling better now, but if not then worth getting checked out by a doctor if you can do that.
And as for the hug your mom didn't give you when you needed it.........it might be a bit late now, and not quite the same but sending you hugs now:

And you know where we are if you're feeling you need some understanding, empathy, support anytime, right??!! You're NOT horrible!!!!!!

Alison