Hi cool 09,
Good for you getting out to the Y to swim! Congrats. I wish I could put my fears to rest and start going. I am afraid if I don't go, afraid to go. Silly.

No my family does not tell me that they care for me or hope I get better. Both of my sons call me and talk almost everyday, so that is a blessing. Unfortunately I hear nothing from my only sister. She is one of those right wing conservative "Christians" that treats her only sister like scum. How christian is that? Thinking about her makes my blood boil. Having said that, Thanksgiving will be tricky. I only have a 2 bedroom small condo which makes having dinner here fairly impossible. Since going on disability income, I cannot even afford a dining table.

Last year, things were better and we had dinner at my sister's mansion. Compared to my home it is anyway. It is sad that our family is so divided. My mom died last year and our extended family is in another state. My son lives in the same house as my ex-husband, ugh. Who knows what the hell the holidays will bring.

Last year Thanksgiving and Christmas were awful for me. After buying a few gifts, I was too broke to buy myself groceries for a couple of weeks. Wish I could figure some way around that problem.

I hate to be negative Nancy, but there is no light in my life at all, non whatsoever. Nothing to look forward to, only dread the future.

It only makes sense to not really see the reason to suffer continued benzo withdrawal, may as well try to find something to help me be more comfortable. Just like an end of life situation. What a way to live!