Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Any chance your past sexual experiences may be wreaking havoc in your present?
I remember you stating in a thread that all you sexual experiences with male partners were unpleasant, you felt coerced, obligated, you had to get juiced up on alcohol in order to engage in these acts, and so forth...
At times, our subconscious unfortunately also has a say in our orgasms..
Just a thought, discard if I'm way off base.
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I think you're on to something here…we talked about it today and he confirmed that my past seems to have had a larger impact on my present than I originally thought.
I can't say no. I think it's especially difficult in this situation because it's not like I don't want to have sex at all, I'm just not always 100% into it and sometimes I feel like that's all we do…we do other stuff of course, but to me there just seems to be too much emphasis on sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middlemarcher
With a whole lot of patience & time, on your part and his.
Yes. He needs to know that you feel pressured when he asks, and this makes it more difficult for you.
As I wrote in your previous thread, I have personally overcome this problem. I was able to have an orgasm on my own, but not with a partner. Now, I can have one with my partner. And so have a lot of other women. Trust me.
I assume he's also a 20-something? Honestly, he sounds kind of sexually naive to me. I find it hard to believe that every single one of his lovers was able to have an easy (or even easier) orgasm. Enormous numbers of women fake orgasms. I mean, ENORMOUS numbers. I find it more likely that this was the case with at least some of his previous lovers. Or maybe he's working with a very small sample size. Also, he sounds like a nice guy, but I think it's uncool that he has told you this. I find that to be shaming and pressuring, even if he doesn't mean it to be. That could just be me. But as a hetero female, I'd never tell a lover "wow, all of my other lovers have lasted way longer than you." Just nope.
Whatever works, works. A vibrator is basically what solved my problem. And the MIND-BLOWING orgasms I have with toys have convinced me that for me personally, resisting them is just silly.
Overall, in your posts, I hear a lot of guilt and negative thinking. I hope that you can tune out that inner narrative and just keep going with the attitude that eventually, it will happen. Those negative inner voices won't help you get there. I know how hard it is to get past those feelings & thoughts, though.
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He's actually in his 30's…I don't think he has nearly the experience of an average guy his age though. In fact, this relationship is almost the longest he's ever been in. That's why it's difficult to talk about some of these things…in the conversation we had today about my issues with consent etc., he thought I was breaking up with him.
Those previous girls must have been faking it…I was apparently being the most difficult after only the second or third try. And to be fair, I asked him if I was the most difficult to get to orgasm, he didn't come out and say it unasked. And I would prefer the truth over a lie to spare my feelings.
I have this feeling that this is all strange to him and he doesn't understand why my body doesn't react to sexual touch like a normal person's. I think he's gotten to a point that he's run out of things to try and I'm not much help because I can only get myself off in a very limited number of ways and if he asks me what he can do, it makes me anxious and guilty because I don't know. And even if I did, frequently it would be difficult and embarrassing to say.