Sorry you feel so bad at the moment and feel you have had such a rough life. I wish that was not the case. Unfortunately many of us have a lot of bad stuff that happens to us. Speaking for self, I could look at all the bad stuff in my life and really hate everything and everyone. In order to avoid that, I try to look at the good and what I do have. You are very fortunate to hav a wife, a life, and the health you have. It is proven fact that if your mindset to changed and you look at the positive when you can, things are better. I have changes in mood daily and sometimes hourly. When depressed, it sucks, when manic I love it, but when mixed. To me that is the worst. I hope you can find the good. Many of us are alone, broken, and scared. That is a sad reality that I hate to see or read. Please cherish the good.