Hugs to you zebra. Depression is cruel. I understand completely. I have been there. I think the right combination of medication might be helping me for the moment. Other things that seem to help me some are prayer, music, and finding a sense of purpose. Sometimes I think finding a sense of purpose is the key because it seems to give us a reason to go on. Of course you have probably already seen a psychiatrist and a therapist. My heart goes out to you. Depression won't last forever, it just really feels that way when you are in the deep pit of it.

I am so sorry if people are beating you down. People should try to help, not hurt you. However, we all know people who will hurt us, even when we are already suffering. Try to find loving, caring, helpful friends and family to be with. And post to us. We care. Kindhearted people here who listen and care have been lifesavers to me in my worst moments. Best wishes.