I miss the good feelings of hypomania, but i am scared of the financial consequences. Last hm i almost committed to a fancy renovation which may have bankrupted me and left my dog and i homeless. The good feelings are not worth becoming destitute again. Other hms i have tried to start relationships only to wind up rejected and that's another sort of fresh hell.

It's not worth it. The crazy hours, insomnia, waking at 4am ready to start my day -- it's nonsense. As painful as the depression is, at least it's manageable.