I hear ya loud and clear. I'm just starting to go down this road. I knew for years something wasn't right with me. I just figured I was burning out with the family/work ratio balance. Well, about 3 months ago, it hit me. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I was having a manic episode which lasted for about a week then I crashed. When I crashed, I crashed hard. I had feelings I have never experienced before. I was not rational thinking at my job which required to take a LOA to get better. I had a melt down at my job. I was having a one track way of thinking and thought everyone else was wrong. Then, the depression. Crying over everything, hating my life, myself, wanting to die. If it were not for my wife and kids, I'd be dead now. I went to get checked out. I was just, last week, diagnosed bipolar. The feeling you are having is, in my opinion, part of your crash. Hang in there. It will pass. Seek help if needed but please, hang in there. Remember, you can do this. You can and will smile again.