Rose, what I see in you is that you are the kind of person who simply must do "the right thing", even at the expense of yourself. You are extremely loyal to the cause, which in this case is seeing this man have the best case scenario and you feel that if you take care of yourself you are "failing".

I think you are torn because a part of you wants his daughter to see the reality of how bad he is and the other part of you feels you should "help him" appear better than he is when his daughter is here so "he" is happier with her visit, instead of being embarassed about how bad he is.

Her telling you to just walk away? Well, that is what she did, she had a life in spite of him and his issues. I think a part of you would have liked to have done that, but you are too loyal of a person. No one ever really thanks you for taking care of him, not in an appreciation that would be "nice", it's cold and ill mannered how you get treated. It is like sitting at a table and being the only one with good table manners, no one appreciates your good table manners and you don't say anything because they just don't know how to have good table manners.

The truth is Rose, he is so bad now he should be in a home. You have been trying to give him the best quality of life which is him enjoying his own place for as long as "you" can keep helping him do so. If his daughter really does see how bad he is and does have to be a "caregiver" on her visit, you know what she might just do, take charge and put him in a home. I think you have been trying your hardest to prolong that, it would even be better in your opinion if he just one day passed in his own home. However, he could linger for so long you just might not endure it and he is making it harder on you by dismissing help to give you a break and then punishes you emotionally by saying he took a shower on his own and almost fell. Well, that is "mean", but you always find a way to be forgiving, saintly so.

Rose, if you are waiting to be appreciated somehow for trying to be caring and do the right thing which you feel is letting a person stay in their home as long as possible, unfortunately the only one that will recognize that are others who "do" understand that, not these individuals.

That is hard, I hear you on that one.