Firstly, they do NOT know your future. What ever mental health issue you have, it is just a problem that you have. As my T says, it does not define WHO we are. It is just one thing about us.
As the above posting said, "Why do you want an illness?" Your comment that you just want an illness but not treatment confuses me.
Risperdol is an anti-psychotic which can be used on the manic stage of bi-polar. Is that what you are experiencing? If so, i can see why you might not want treatment at this point in time. I have heard that the manic stage can be rather pleasurable and I suspect that I'd enjoy such a stage except for the consequences afterward. I also have a friend on Risperdal and she says that it makes her hands shake. She states that she smokes in order to steady her hands. Are you having trouble with side effects? I think I remember that Lithium has some annoying side effects too.
Since Bi-polar bear also has bi-polar (I am assuming that is the reason for the name-correct me I'm full of it), then your problem probably has a strong biological component and might require some kind of medication. I had a co-worker of mine with bi-polar who would take medication. So I suspect that the medication for bi-polar is worse than my AD. I hope you find a way to have a great future.