I had a similar experience…they whole having everything material that I needed, but lacking love/affection/emotional support etc. My parents pretty much stopped showing me any sort of affection at all when I was young because I wasn't an affectionate child. Touching and being touched are things I've had to relearn to do and I still struggle with to this day. But based on my childhood experiences, even the act of reaching out and touching someone seems wrong and dirty even. I don't remember them ever really saying "I love you" that often either…and I never talked to them about my feelings. I can only talk about business matters (money, practical advice, how to fix this or that etc.). I don't even really talk to them anymore and as soon as I become financially independent, I'm not sure there's much of a reason to…what's to talk about then? If I call my mom just to ask how she is/what's going on, it's like I'm wasting her time because obviously nothing is going on but the usual stuff. And I wouldn't call my dad because I don't like my dad…I mean, I can forgive my mom; my brother died as a baby as well and I feel like she's at least tried. My dad treated me and my mom like dirt growing up and it's the reason I have had so much trouble with men. I've expected them to treat me like crap and been fine with allowing them to. They never hit me either…although I was always terrified that my dad would if I said/did the wrong thing. I still feel that with men even today.

For some good news, I'm in a relationship with a man now that doesn't treat me like this and has been understanding about my touch and trust/consent issues due to me not being allowed/able to say no in the past. It's very difficult to trust when you've been conditioned not to, when you've been conditioned to expect to be treated like dirt. Deep down, I'm terrified that he'll become my father…I've even had nightmares about it. But so far he hasn't. Maybe someday I'll learn to trust and expect being treated in a loving manner. Maybe there is hope for people like us to heal.