Dear Deprofindis

From reading your text my heart just breaks for you,what life is that ? Its no life,i guess but your alive and your breathing and still you do have the urge to reach out which means you are still in there,why give up now?

I cannot begin to imagine what its like to be in your shoes and i do empithize deeply with you. When you are in such a state you dont think rasional nor clearly. Why dont you see a therapist ? They dont make it better but they do give good coping mechanisms.Dont be impulsive but go home tonight and think of what you do really want in your life.

Give up what you need to give up and just go for it. Dont let anything stand in your way,not even the darkness. People with mental illnesses tend to long so much or a normal life and thats whats holding them back,instead they should accept the fact that they cannot live like other people do,so take what you can and what you have and try your best to make the best out of it.

It seems impossible i know but maybe its worth trying. Your not good with people but yet you want relationships. You must decide whats more important to you,being alone ore being with someone.You have the abillity to make that choice. Surround yourself with people that lifts you up and makes you feel good,You dont have to keep someone in your life if you dont need them.

If you dnt know someone,start a conversation,practise makes perfect. Being with people is also a good stimulation for your illness and it fights that darkness.Teach yourself about YOUR ilness as everybodies simptoms differ. The diagnoses is not as important as the simptoms. Keep the simptoms in place and it will be easier to cope. Like dont go to places with your credit cards or so it prevents you from buying.

Small things makes big differences and remember only you can change what you want to change. Winston Churchill once said :" Keep on,keeping on". and thats pretty much the best you can do at this stage and i think your best is good enough. Get away from every single negative aspect of your life and make the mind switch.

Its not the way you live its the way you think !! Very good luck to you and i do believe that you can do this. Im so proud of the fact that you made an effort to speak up and thats a small difference but already a big step