Wow! What an outpouring of emotion. I think you are like me in that you are better at expressing emotions in writing rather than verbally in the T's office.
I hope you work up the guts to share some of that letter with T. I told my T that she is not allowed to leave. I am glad that you have internalized some of T. I find the internalizing of T to be very strange, creepy and pleasant all in one.