IndestructibleGirl: Appreciating your reply. I really agree with you in the things you describe but how could I handle this in the actual therapy? I mean, I can´t force my T to tell things about herself if she's the kind of person who keeps most things secret due to the therapist-client relationship.

I also don´t know if she has had those "rough times" that would make me feel more connected to her. Logically I can realise that she of course must have had some difficulties in her own life but those things might be quite different to my own issues.

As the T most often should be the "blank slate" you can´t demand your T to tell you his or her hard life stories and then decide if you will choose that therapist or not. I choosed my therapist based on that I feel/felt that she cares for me and that she´s proffessional but I don´t see how I could get to know that many more parametres.

The things you could ask more concretely about is perhaps if she works with special problem areas as issues around sexual orientation, that is asking about his or her sexual orientation but that must be asked in beforehand as I see it. But more general stuff like being left or having to divorce, struggles around unemployment and so in, that´s not the ordinary questions that you ask your T.

As I myself pay for my therapy and already went to this T for several months I can´t just choose another therapist and work with that T from the beginning as I don´t have the money to do so. My T has earlier on read emails between sessions and then commented upon them in session but she has in a subtle way told me that e-mails won´t come into question anymore.

How much communication do you have with your T between sessions? Did you get this permission to contact him/her between sessions from the beginning, I mean did he or she tell you that's how he/she works. Does your T communicate with you "for free" or do you have to pay your T some extra fee for communication between sessions?

When e-mails suddenly seem to be out of the question I feel more distant and the analyses I´ve done through e-mails just don´t get done beacause I know she won´t read my e-mails any longer. I really don´t know how to deal with this as this also has a very distinct financial aspect, I can´t pay for some kind of e-mail service and can´t force my T to read e-mails "for free" either.

Hoping for more perspectives on this.