Warning: I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to pander to your feelings. I'm going to be straight with you and tell you how I see it based on what I've read and how I think/feel; if this approach is not your thing, please ignore my post.
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What he did next was insulting and infuriating. He STRUGGLED to answer all of my questions after I asked him again what are my best traits. I even told him that it doesn't have to be physical! He acted like what I was asking was completely absurd, but he finally came up with this answer:
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I don't understand why you were insulted because it took him a while to think of something when you put him on the spot while fishing for compliments. I'm not going to sugar-coat this: maybe he
doesn't find you as attractive anymore; it can happen. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Maybe the "spark" has fizzled. Maybe you two have grown apart. Maybe it would be best to
talk to him about this, if you haven't already done so. Communication is key in a relationship, is it not?
My ex did this with me (when we weren't together) and it was frustrating in itself.
He shouldn't be obliged to answer straight away with a long, flattering list of wonderful things about you, just like you shouldn't feel obliged if the roles were reversed. To be fair, I might be a bit biased here, because it's one of my pet hates when someone expects something of you like that; it grates me a LOT. I want to be more to a woman than just an ego booster, and I do
not want to be trapped into bullcrapping her just to keep her from taking something the wrong way.
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That I have nice skin. WTH???? Ugh! Are most men like this and this stupid, cold, and unemotional?
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He compliments you on your skin and that makes him stupid, cold, and unemotional? Maybe I'm reading all this wrong, but it sounds like you're putting too much into all this. Conversely, after 20 years, you would indeed expect he'd know a little more about you, which is why I'm thinking the first part I said, about the maybes. Maybe you two need to "find" each other again; rediscover why you fell in-love with each other in the first place.
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He may have felt like he was put on the spot and was afraid of giving the wrong answer in stead of just speaking from his heart.
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Totally agree that this is possible. I hate being put on the spot like that; it just makes me anxious. If I want to say something nice, I'll say it.
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He is awful in bed, and I have to do ALL of the work! Sorry, but that's true! I never even liked sex that much! I've never heard of any complaints from him though aside from not getting as much as he'd like of course!
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Maybe you guys just aren't as compatible as you may have been in the past. Have you considered therapy for you guys, to see if you can get some help?
To be honest, it kinda irks me that you've gone on a public forum and slagged off your husband, especially about something as private as sex. I'm just trying not to judge, as we're only getting one side of the story - pity he can't defend himself.
PS
I'm 28, I've never been married, and I don't have a great deal of experience in relationships (2 serious ones and that's about the size of it) but I am still a man, I listen and observe, and I've got my head screwed on tight enough to form an opinion.
PPS
Sorry if my post appears aggressive - I've tried to be appreciative of your situation and maintain a level of neutrality, despite being very indifferent to your post; not my forté. I have to wonder if you guys were ever compatible, ... what were the old days like?
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{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil
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