Okay, that is just scary that we have so many similar things going on. Hanging on because we are needed is probably the best reason to. No, they don't get that we are in actual pain, they are desensitized even as we feel more pain than ever.
The only thing I can do anymore is give myself permission to feel bad some days. It is what it is and I don't hide it, I just withdraw and do something nice for myself.
These are the times, like when I read your post, that I wish I could take on your burdens for a little while and someone could take on mine, just to get a break. But, as that doesn't really happen in life, we have to Be Kind to Ourselves, Respect ourselves & give ourselves the understanding we would give someone else & we wish someone would give us.
I am sending you many hugs today, and hope you can take them in and allow that you are hurting in a big way, yes and that you are allowed.