I can't take it anymore. I'm supposed to be living this perfectly fine life, with all the things I need, near my family.... but no one shows they care about me. They say when I breakdown that they love me, but they never say it any other time...
I don't love myself enough to find and give love to an outsider, so it's just my family...but they don't reciprocate
I'm so miserable right now... I have no one except this community to go to. My dad is always working, and when he's not working he's dealing with dying cats because our efff-ing family has too many efff-ing cats!!! Why the f@#$ does he care more about them than me!?!?!? His efff-ing daughter!!!!
I can't even talk about my mom. I efff-ing hate her right now.
My brothers are too selfish to think of anyone but themselves. I always try to listen and comfort my younger brother with anything he's going through... but when I have a breakdown? I'm the selfish one. Me! F him!
I just want to be buried deep so that I can be numb and in darkness and never have to see their fff-ing lying faces anymore. I can't handle this. I have no one.
I'm so lonely I even dreamt about my lying manipulative ex- friend coming back to be a real fff-ing best friend. But she's never coming back. I don't think I truly want her back. But I do want someone.
I can't even sleep anymore I'm so miserable. I think I'm destroying myself subconsciously just by not sleeping and only eating sugary things. I can't actually do the deed...but apparently I can destroy my health.
I'm so sorry...I hate myself for writing this. Please forgive me.