I can so relate to this. I know exactly what circumstantial depression looks like and feels like. For a long time that is mainly what my depression was, but I know it would last longer than it should and was very painful. However, at this point in my life, there is absolutely no reason for me to be depressed, which I think makes it worse. It doesn't make sense to me and certainly not to people around me. "What's wrong?" they ask. The answer is very simply - "Nothing is wrong….I have a mental illness that results in periods of bone crushing depression.

Even with the meds and great self care, it still happens, and it is happening right now. I try very hard to stay in the moment and try to get through each day as best I can. When I just take it one day at a time, I am better. When I think about the future I get very scared because I can't imagine having these episodes for the next 40 years. Then I get crazy and I think of things I can do to not live too long. I have even pondered taking up smoking, which is crazy.

Anyway, I think this is just part of the disease and I need to be very grateful that I don't have impossible circumstances to deal with as well as the clinical depression.

Hang in there….it's all we can really do.