This happens again and again: I do something wrong, I apologize, and the other person says it's okay, but I don't really believe them. I believe that they are only saying it's okay to be nice, but they will hold this mistake against me for the rest of my life.

Like today, I was trying to move a chair in the classroom through this tight spot. The chair leg hit the wall and I fell on top of someone else.

She said it was okay, because she's a nice person who will be nice even to drips like me. She'll be nice even to people who don't deserve it. And she comes out of this situation looking nice and normal, while I come out looking like an obnoxious freak that everyone hates, but they're too nice to tell me to my face.

Just the fact that I'm thinking like this proves that I deserve to be ostracized, because a normal person would never think like this. But that was my entire childhood: other kids forcing themselves to be nice to me, even though I'm a disgusting, obnoxious freak, and it's my fault I can't get along with people.

None of this would have happened if I had just stayed out of the way.