Ever since I’ve stopped taking my 300mgs of Wellbutrin, I feel like my life is going downhill… Im an actress and I NEED my emotions in order to do my job well. I stopped taking the Wellbutrin because I COULDN’T do a cry scene to save my life. It felt impossible. Now, however, its very easy to cry in front of the camera which is a good thing. But… my motivation for life is falling. For example, I’ve had some great auditions come up over the past few months and, for some reason, I keep finding reasons NOT to attend them. The reasons that run through my head are usually: “I look like crap today. I don’t know my lines. Im too nervous. What if the director embarrasses me? What if I say something stupid? What if my car breaks down? Im going to be late. Ect…” The list goes on and on. Those thoughts were WAY less frequent while I was on my medication. I do take 25 mgs of Adderall every day, which ive been taking for the last 12 years on and off, but the effects only last for a few hours.

My relationships often fail because im so paranoid that im being lied to or cheated on. I cant hold down a job because my anxiety keeps getting in the way of making it to work on time and even SHOWING UP. As a matter of fact, I was just fired from my side- job tonight because I called in…again. Alcohol is the only thing that relieves my anxiety in social situations but I cant ALWAYS drink every single time I need to be around other people. Ive already gotten in trouble with drinking and driving… WHICH WAS A VERY STUPID STUPID STUPID MISTAKE ON MY PART!! I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I hate that Im like this. My brother and sister are perfectly fine without therapy or medication and I wish I could be like that. Does anyone have any recommendations of medications that don’t numb your emotions? My GP wrote me a prescription for Abilify a while back but I never got it filled because I read some horrible reviews on it.