Visit will start Monday morning. Yesterday he lost his keys, so I came over and found them. Today I talked him into paying for a carpet cleaner to come in. They did a good job. It was a lot on me moving stuff around and back to facilitate the men doing their job, and it was worth it. I got rid of all kinds of junk, and the place looks and smells sweet and clean. I picked up some wine that his daughter likes (and he will reimburse me.) She will walk in to a nice cozy place. We will have a meeting Wed. with VA nurse here. He will have to agree to accept help from attendants, or I will not continue what I'm doing. VA nurse will help me try to get the lost visits restored.

So I feel we might be turning a corner here.

Yes, OE, I was doing home care for a company that was enabling elder abuse. Some families don't want an elder getting care that elder states a preference for . . . like going to the ER for a sudden hemorrhage. Hard to believe, I know.

It would be hard for me to not help him while I am nearby. I've come up with a plan that I've told daughter and s/o. If I don't get more reasonable cooperation, I will hop a plane and go stay with my sisters on the East coast. One tragically lost her husband recently and would love the company. I can stay with her for a couple of months even. Over that span of time, he couldn't manage. Adult protection services or the VA would have to step in and place him somewhere.

I'm not going to lose my sanity over this situation. I got out of living with him when that proved unworkable, so I can reach a point where I say "enough."

I thank you so much for these posts helping me see that I'm not asking for more than is fair. We'll see how it goes.

I did not see Oprah magazine, but will look for it.

Hugs to everyone for much needed backup to see I'm a person too.