Topic title is stupid. Thought it'd give me a laugh.

This is hard to type. Probably just means this is something I need to do. I feel lonely. All my friends have moved away and onto better things. Married, colleges, careers, families. The friends I have left are all long distance and I can only talk to them online. They're cool, and I'm thankful to have them, but it's just not the same. I don't have anywhere to hang out. I'm just cooped up inside all day. No one to talk to when I need it. Not comfortable sharing with my parents or any family members. I can't even get in to see a therapist because the medical facilities in this city are nothing but ****!

Never been kissed. Never been with a woman. Sick of always being expected to make the first move just because I'm a man. I'm lazy. I'm selfish. I'm just a drain on my parents resources and they're not getting any younger. Every time I have a chance to make something of myself, I chicken out. I make excuses. Tell myself I can't do it until I'm convinced I can't, then I don't do it. I just forget about it and go on as I always do. I'm not even fully convince I won't just turn around and do it again after this thread has ran its course. If I could tackle on other elements of my life the way I tackle those reviews I write every week I'd probably be moved out with at least a girlfriend by now. I don't know.

There are times I feel like nobody ever wants to talk to me. Or at least start the conversation. Log into instant messenger, I have to be the one to say hello. Log into Facebook, I have to be the one to say hello. A forum like this one, I have to be the one to say hello. Nobody ever approaches me when I log onto any of those things. People just go about their business until I say hello. I know it's probably not personal or anything, but after so many years, it starts to get to you.

I get so defensive at times. Paranoid over the dumbest ****. I don't know why. I just do. I don't know what else to say, so I guess I'll just stop here. Hope for someone who knows what they're talking about to offer advice. Hopefully I feel better so I can actually be productive today.