My sister texted me last night, asking me if I would go up to NM and live with her. She already bought the ticket, set up a ride to the airport, everything. Which made me feel very heavily pressured into saying yes because of all she's done already to get me up there. But I'm terrified of traveling completely alone and feel I would **** up very badly, so I said no. Now I think she's mad at me. I feel ungrateful, especially since I've been wanting so badly to get out of here, and this was the perfect chance...all but the having to travel alone. I can't get over that. But, to be fair, she didn't ask me at all what I wanted to do before making all these plans for me. Of course she tried like hell to convince me into saying yes. We texted over 3 hours. By the end I just wanted to go to bed, I was tired and had a headache, so I finally just flat-out said No. She thinks I can't make a life for myself without her help, she even texted something to me along these lines. Oh yeah. Right after I told her I better not go because I felt like I would **** up, she said: "Your chances of ****ing up are way higher if you stay where you are." We kept on making exchanges like that all evening it seemed, me telling her why I can't go, followed by her telling me basically that the only way to have a good life is to go live with her. Which I don't necessarily believe: I have been making a plan of my own that I think is pretty reasonable. First, I'm going to finish high school. Then I'm going to look for work, and once I have a job I'm going to save up for my own place.

However, when I told her this plan, she blew it off completely, like she thought no way in hell could I ever do it myself. I guess she thinks I have to be living with her to do anything. Why can't I make a new and better life for myself, without her help? It's not that I'm ungrateful, I feel very blessed that she would go through all this trouble for me. But like I said, she never bothered asking me first, before buying the ticket and all. And then she pretty much rushed me into making a decision. I said No, because I cannot possibly do the flying alone, I have no experience in flying, have never even been in an airport, and wouldn't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm so stupid I would probably board the wrong plane, then get in the wrong seat! And no one in an airport is going to help me find my way. I know because no one ever helps me with anything like that. So I said no, and now I feel bad about it. Was I wrong?

In any case, I can't take back my answer now, so does it even matter anymore?