Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
A therapist can help you learn to say no when you want to say no.
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Saying "no" or, more properly, feeling allowed by myself to say "no" is one of the main issues, I think. Thank you for pointing that out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67
It sounds like this woman really doesn't want much from a man, not really. On some level she's afraid of real intimacy. She jumps into sex because it's the easiest thing to do, for her. But she only likes what she can't have because that's "safe".
I agree with Bill, a therapist can help you learn to say no when you want to say no. Hopefully you'll build a much deeper relationship with someone who isn't afraid of a deeper emotional connection.
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I must agree she didn't seem open to share a deeper connection. Not that it is wrong. It's just that we aren't in the same wavelenght.
And that's something I'm pretty amazed about having discovered about myself, after this experience.
A year ago, I couldn't do anything besides having one night stands and casual sex. I would go visiting escorts and such. But now I find myself eager to have something more, something good, something that goes beyond sex in itself. Yet, rediscovering this side of me is quite strange, because it's been a long while since I last had any interest of a romantic relationship. It takes time to adjust, probably. Seems like I've tried to follow an old patter for a new emotional situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
They did an interesting experiment with mice that I watched. In the experiement they took a male mouse and put a little vest on it and then put it in with a female mouse. The male mouse mated with this female several times over the course of a couple of days. Then they took the vest off and put the male mouse in with the female again and to their surprise the male could not mate even when the female was teasing.
The whole purpose of the experiment is to see how "if" introduced to something a certain way can change "if" something is taken away. When they put the vest back on, sure enough that male mouse mated again.
It very well could be that because you "changed" yourself by being circumcized without your realizing it, it affected your ability to have sex. You did change something and made it different and that part that you took away does have sensors in it. You "can" still adjust to that change gradually, you just have to "practice" and learn, and you may want to do some "self practice" for a time so you can get used to this change.
Also, it is not unusual for a male to not perform just right when being intimate with a female for the first time either. And not getting an erection is normal as well as premature ejaculation with a lot of males too. When it comes to being "intimate", it really does take time for two people to get comfortable and learn about each other.
Also, it would serve you well to spend some time reading about women and how to understand them "sexually" because not all women can actually orgazm just through penetration. It takes "time" to develop a relationship, it is not being fair to yourself to assume how well it goes is all "your" responsiblity.
There is nothing wrong with becoming a student and going to a library and taking out books where you can learn so many things about women's sexuality, developing good relationship skills that you just don't happen to "know" how to do right now. Relationships don't "just" happen like you see in the movies, in fact in case you have not noticed the actors and actresses themselves fail at relationships all the time. There is a lot you can learn on your own without sitting with a therapist too. Also, everyone learns by "doing" so "learning" about how to have a relationship is something everyone learns "how" to do.
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That experiment you bring up is very interesting. I wouldn't relate it to my circumcision, though. In fact, even when it's true that things feel different and I'm still on my way of getting used to it, I feel waaaaaaay better like this than with my foreskin. Before surgery, I reached a point where penetration became hurtful.
Nevertheless, that experiment is worthy from another point of view.
I'm thinking in another kind of vest. A metaphorical one. I've already had sex after I was done with my circumcision post-op. I got laid with somebody I barely knew and didn't feel attracted to. In that occasion, I came too quickly (my glans felt very sensitive to touch, etc). But in a matter of a few minutes, I was rock hard again and I was able to have intercourse. Then again, there was no emotional connection with this person. After a while, I felt kind of empty. Like what we did was sort of pointless and meaningless. But, besides that, I didn't feel bad at all.
This time, on the opposite, was different. I did like this person, and I was willing to have some deep connection. There was a will to build something. Maybe I blew things out of proportion when we started to date and I figured out the odds of having a relationship. But who cares, I was dreaming. For the first time in years I was allowing myself to dream about sharing something with someone. Of course there were emotions and feelings involved, which remained absent when I got laid with that other person. This time there was a lot more at stake.
I kind of feel ashamed about that. Maybe this new girl regardered me as some ridiculous freak or whatever. Maybe I'm so uncool to her for doing things this way. But all in all that's how I feel, and I don't regret having had showed her my real me from the very start. With my virtues and my flaws.
Perhaps I shouldn't be telling you all of this, because it seems I'm looking for some kind of approval or validation. And maybe I am, and maybe that's my main problem.