I don't know if I'm posting this right. If it's wrong, please forgive me. I'm 18 and a shy guy. I never liked crowded social gatherings, especially with unknown people. I always passed on parties, going outside too much. I like persons who are down to earth and intelligent, someone with same interests as me. I never liked making chit-chat. I simply can't stand talking about small, insignificant stuff. I feel like it's meaningless. According to many personality tests that I have completed, I'm an INTP. Not quite a popular one. Anyway...I was all good about 8 months ago, when a girl in my class developed an slight interest towatds me. I never had a girlfriend and wasn't planning on having one soon. Again, I'm shy as hell towards girls especially. We started chatting via phone, but I felt that when chatting, everything was perfect. I had energy, I was talking using my mind, not words, so no anxiety, no shame, no shyness. But then I got very, very frustrated everyday at school, when we were only exchanging a "Hi!" or not even that...she's not a very chatty person either. Sitting late in my bed, finding all about the girl that seemed different from the other. She had that "filter" that...blocked stupidness...I can't explain exactly...when we were talking, she wasn't blabbering about everything, but only the esential stuff. (Hope you understand me, as I'm not a native english speaker.) I liked her, and I like her even now, but I always had doubts about her. I saw her dating 1 or 2 guys in the past, who were like clowns, and I developed these doubts towards her. As our "relationship" continued, I gradually opened up emotionally towards her, and it felt pretty good. I never opened up emotionally to no one. To say what I felt, without being discriminated. She was also a bit depressed, having a minor heart disease and I understood her in every way. But all those days, on and on and on, being frustrated about not being able to talk to her at school, not being able to ask her out sometimes digged me quite hard, and I was started crying almost every evening or night for my "stupidity" or "defect" that I have. I started developing an emotional side that I never had before. It almost concerned me. Gradually, I entered in a depression, being sad at school, home, crying myself to sleep with the same question : "What the hell is wrong with me? Am I losing my damn mind?". Weeks and moths passed, without expressing my feelings towards her, and feeling lonelier and lonelier day by day. Listening to love oriented music made me burst in tears in silence, without everybody knowing. I was always thinking about a silent suicide, but then I remembered that I had a family and I couldn't do that to them. I felt horrible. I pushed friends away, I started going to school alone.