Thanks for everyone who's replied it's nice to have people I can tell about stuff like this with out fear of getting sectioned or people worry I've stopped taking my meds.

Lonely is just part of me the drugs don't fix that and I dout they ever will so I don't link it to meds not working or not being okay. The self harm has become a reflex over the last twelve years and I can't help but think even if they came up with a cure I would still do it occasionally.

Some of the other reason are weight gain I hate the way I look, my room has no mirrors but I can't get rid of the bathroom one without my dad getting upset. Another is I hate having to medicate myself to be whatever normal is meant to be.