My cousin was one of the sexual abusers in my life, and it happened when I was very young. As we grew up, we stopped playing as he got meaner and sometimes violent, and I haven't seen him in probably 6-7 years. But my parents just announced that we are going to visit him and my aunt tomorrow. Immediately I felt like I was going to panic. They don't know exactly what happened.
Back when I was 5, I tried to tell my mom about what was going on and that I was scared of him, but she brushed it off and said that I didn't say 'no' like I should have. So it continued. When she discovered us in my bedroom I was punished, and she let me go back over to his house the next week. Later, when I tried to tell my third grade teacher that my cousin tried to drown me in the neighborhood pool, she worriedly called my parents, and my mom then yelled at me so accusingly that eventually I got so scared and said that I lied. So I can't make them understand how I feel.
These memories didn't resurface until this past year when another trauma occurred, and I haven't talked to my parents about either one. Even the smallest of my feelings are brushed off or discounted. I can't imagine how they would even begin to care about this, especially because of my dad's beliefs (strict islamic). I'm seeing a T, but since I'm a minor, I'm afraid to tell her about this because she might have to report it to my parents. The law in my state is that she has to report if I'm 'still in danger,' and seeing my cousin would classify as just that. I can't email her anyway, because I see her through my school and my parents do not know that we meet. So if I was to try and contact her outside of school it would be illegal.
I'm so panicked about tomorrow. I'm shaking just thinking about it. And I don't know what to do. I'm considering faking sick so I can stay home in bed. I feel trapped. I can't talk about it to anyone right now, and I'm unsure if I can even tell my T about it in the next session. My anxiety levels are through the roof..I wish I could just disappear for 24 hours.