I am not exactly sure how to word this post. Things were bad for me last night. I tried hard to control my impulses. It is so hard. The screaming in my head. It is like two people arguing. One saying "Just do it" the other saying "but why?" I curled up in a ball and tried to duck under the screaming and think of what I was going to do to get out of this situation. How is it possible to have 3 voices in your head at one time? It shouldn't be because it gets so horribly loud. After a while I was able to get out of the ball and write a letter to my T. One thing I pointed out was if I had just done it, it would be over all ready and I would feel better. But I chose not to do it, to try to find a new way and so the misery was lasting so much longer and was so much more intense. Even today I feel the after affects of that struggle. I am not sure what to do about it. I made it through the night safe and undamaged. Is it a victory? It doesn't feel like a victory because I don't feel any better.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson