The good thing is, I do have my family behind me. They understand, especially my husband. They do not force me to do anything I don't feel comfortable doing. It's me though. I am ashamed. I feel I should pay respect to the ones that have passed away by attending their funeral. I want to get over this but not sure what, if anything, I should do. No way can I afford $100 an hour so was hoping for more input here. Maybe it is a weird form of OCD. I don't know.