Quote:
Originally Posted by kaliope
I don't blame you for feeling tired. it appears that you shoulder yourself with a lot of responsibility that does not belong to you. it is not your job to keep the world together for everybody else. everybody's fates are not in your hands. yet it seems that you feel they are. I would try avoiding one decision a day that involves another person. this doesn't mean that you aren't being nice. but I think you will see that that person's life still goes on even without your help and that you don't have to be so responsible for others. take care of you.  |
I guess I am not explaining myself very well...... I appreciate everyone's advice as far as feeling I take on too much responsibility....
I guess I don't explain myself very well, even on this forum.
I have a job that requires me to lead over 200 employees and numerous offices. My responsibility is to lead them.... when I lead, I help them grow by letting them get opportunities and allowing them to make decisions, some make the right and some make the wrong... but they have to grow by giving them the opportunity and then letting them make their decisions.. some are bad, some are good.... it is my job to help these people develop and grow. when I see leadership and growth, I help and mentor them.. thus that is my job. And quite frankly, it seems my whole life the ones I help and mentor, something bad happens too... it really does. I could tell you story after story.
I just got back from a week long trip visiting my family .... it was exhausting... I love them all very much.... My mom is mentally ill and has been most of her life... when I was little, she had an 'accident' in the house that if my father had not come home early from a business trip, none of us kids would be here... neither would she... From that point on, my dad started relying on me to take care of the family because he traveled a lot for business... so at a very young age, I became responsible to take care of my family.... because my mom could not.... not that she didn't want to, she is a loving wonderful person, she is just mentally ill and when she get's in her spells, someone had to be there to take care of her and my little brothers and sisters. And that responsibility became mine. That has become my role in my family.....
Each member of my family had issues I needed to take care of, each member of my family including my father, told me as I left, how healing and wonderful it was to have me home for a week and how much I had helped them.
Believe me I have tried to let them make their own decisions.... I moved 2000 miles away so I could get away from it... many times I don't answer the phone. I separated quite a bit from them over the past few years..... and when I came home, I found a mess. When I left, I had gotten things as much together as I could.............. you know I am not doing a very good job of trying to explain why I am tired, or why I feel this way.....
I am sorry I even posted this message.... I just am tired.... And worried about two people I care about... nothing more...
I just wish I could disappear... sorry, I posted this message, if I could delete I would, but apparently after 4 hours I can't delete the original post....
I don't feel special, I feel evil, I feel flawed, I feel like I am rotting inside.... nothing more...
sorry if my original post made me sound like I was someone special... if anything I am just the opposite
